Mother Requires Smoking Grandmother to Freshen Up Before Holding Baby

The arrival of a new baby is typically accompanied by joy and anticipation, yet it can also bring about stress and concerns. In one instance, a mother’s apprehension stemmed from her mother-in-law’s frequent smoking, fearing that her child might be exposed to third-hand smoke.

Despite the mother-in-law’s commitment to refraining from smoking near the child, the residue of smoke on her clothes and hair remained a worry for the expectant woman. This concern was fueled by the potential dangers of third-hand smoke, as explained by the Mayo Clinic – residual nicotine and chemicals left on indoor surfaces by tobacco smoke, creating a toxic combination that could pose health risks to nonsmokers, especially children.

To address this issue, the mother sought a compromise that would allow her mother-in-law to hold her new grandson. She proposed that her mother-in-law shower and change clothes after smoking to ensure no traces of third-hand smoke entered her home and affected the baby.

She expressed her desire not to alienate her mother-in-law or hurt her feelings, but she recognized that setting these boundaries might lead to unintended outcomes.

In response to her query on’s Care and Feeding page, she received advice that affirmed her right to establish these boundaries. The response indicated that while she had every right to ask for what she wanted, her mother-in-law’s response to these requests was beyond her control.

Regarding their interactions, the advice suggested being strict about these rules when the mother-in-law was visiting their home. However, when visiting the mother-in-law’s residence, a level of flexibility might be necessary due to the challenges of eradicating residual smoke and nicotine from their environment. The idea of staying in a hotel during visits was proposed as a practical solution.

Ultimately, the mother-to-be’s concerns about third-hand smoke exposure were acknowledged as valid, and the advice centered on finding a balance between maintaining boundaries and maintaining familial relationships.

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